Acceptance

My life is not perfect (shocking...I know). I honestly hope those that read this don't think from my post, pictures, etc that my life is. I am a huge ball of mess in my head most of the time. I do strive each and ever day to be positive despite the negative world we all live in that the media loves to broadcast.

I had my melt down last night...where I could have just cried for hours. I just had hit a point from doing SO much since my husband is currently recovering from surgery. From being single mom 95% of the time (huge praise to you mamas out there that do it all alone...I don't know how), to getting everything ready for baby, to cleaning...food prep, etc...I just hit my wall and needed a good cry. A good cry is what I did.

After talking to Tate about it all and him making me feel better...a Target run and talk with my BFF is what was needed. So at 8:30 last night I left to go walk the aisles of Target and it was so therapeutic. I found a couple super cute mirrors for the nursery that were on clearance (SCORE), picked out ice cream and got a few other items all while chatting with my bestie.

After reflecting on this all...I came that I really need to accept that everything is not going to be 'perfect'. In reality...I know my house, marriage, life are not perfect. Nothing is. But to me...I always was trying to find this time that it would all be perfect to me. The point where the house is sparkling clean and there was no dog hair anywhere, Turner was being his lil' perfect self and my husband was home cooking dinner or building me something ;)

What is perfect is that I have my family with me under one roof. I have a husband who is the most patient human ever (seriously...he has to be to deal with some of my stuff) and gives me constant support even though he doesn't always verbalize it to me...I have my health and my family has their health. I have a beautiful miracle growing inside of me and a dog that loves all of us even though she has been not getting much attention as she would like. My life is perfect to me. God has blessed me immensely.

Being super OCD and type A like myself...accepting that things will not always fall into place on my schedule or how I would like it to takes some time. I don't expect me to be OK with everything overnight. It's going to take constant prayer.

Acceptance that the house will be a mess most of the time, that dog hair will scatter the floors, that repeat meals and leftovers will happen frequently and that the nursery may not be done before this baby arrives is happening. Taking it one day at a time and just 'breathing' is all I can do. Continuing to talk to God through prayer will happen daily. Soaking in every moment with Turner as my only child for just a little bit longer will happen more frequently and learning to just let go of things will constantly be reminded to me through this post.

So to you other ladies out there that feel the same way, know that you are not alone. Everyone has their own struggles. Learning to accept those struggles, talk about and work through them is what helps. Things that I have learned that have helped me are...prayer, working out (especially yoga which I hope to start up after baby), NOT reading the news since the media likes to splash every negative story imaginable, staying positive even in moments that you find it hard and surrounding yourself with those you love that are positive. Life is way too short.

I posted this recently to my Instagram and it's the most real life picture I ever posted. Honestly, it was also the best picture out of the group. Turner throwing a tantrum because mama isn't holding him (he's a total mama's boy right now), Tate's injury and me big and preggo trying to keep it together :)

Also...if you find yourself sulking from looking at other peoples IG pictures/Facebook posts or what they write on their blog thinking that persons life is 'perfect', stop it. We can all get sucked into that mindset and it's not OK. The struggles are real for everyone even if they don't share it. I can promise you that. So if you find yourself doing that, give yourself a social media break and see how you feel. You will be amazed what can come when not scrolling through your phone.

Happy Friday!!!!

XOXO,

Bump Day Baby #2 - Week 35

• Baby is the size of a coconut
• From now on...most baby growth will be just plumping up. Hearing is totally developed now.
• Total weight gain is 20 lbs
• All dresses and pants are maternity. I have some tanks that are just a size bigger that are still working. My maxi skirts are also just regular and not maternity.
• Best moment was Tate getting through his first surgery just fine and now on the road to recovery. Hoping he will be in a walking boot in a week and then I will be able to have some help with things.
• We did maternity/family/Turner's 2 year photos yesterday. So excited to see them. It's always hit or miss with a toddler who just wants to run around. Hoping she got some good ones.
• Movement is like crazy still. I love that this baby loves to move so much. He or She will probably be non stop just like Turner.
• Food cravings are just fruit and ice cream. I still am loving my cereal too.
• I had a doctor appointment yesterday and she checked me to just see. Dilated to 1 cm but not effaced at all. This means nothing to me and will not hold my breath for anything. I am also measuring at 36 weeks.
• The only thing I miss is beer and wine. Can't wait to have my first Summer Shandy.
• Having weird dreams about Turner falling down stairs or off our bed. I wake up trying to grab him to save him. I did this when he was first born also. It's so painful to wake up and be moving as much as I am with this big belly that was very much rested. Ouch.
• Currently Turner and Tate both have summer colds...no fun.
• Gender is still unknown...can't wait to find out :)
• Only 2 strangers commented on my belly this last week. One lady at Trader Joe's stopped me to ask me if I was due any day now...I told her 5 more weeks and she said, 'well at least there is a nice breeze today'. A 20 something guy at H&M told me you couldn't even tell I was pregnant from behind. I was at register when he came up to help me. He was behind me and then was surprised to see me very pregnant. 
• Looking forward to finishing up the nursery. Our neighbor came over to carry up the boxes for the dresser that will go in there. Each box is 70lbs+ and since Tate is currently out of commission, it's nice to have neighbors help.
• Mowing the lawn until Tate can walk again. It sucks but at least we have a small yard and self propelled mower.

 

Switched up week 15 photo so I could see belly growth more accurately....BAM...it's huge!

Week 35 bump date with Turner

Bump Day Baby #2 - Week 34

OH man does this picture speak 1,000 words...look at that face, so tired! If you read yesterdays post...you know why!

• Baby is the size of a butternut squash
• Baby can recognize and react to simple songs
• Total weight gain on last Friday's appt was 19lbs. Next appt is Tuesday at 35 weeks then we will be doing weekly appts...eeekkkk
• Still no stretch marks. But I do have weird marks on belly button from my younger years piercing. I also had a mole removed on my belly during my first trimester and that scar is fugly.
• Had a bit of a scare last week. Thought I leaked fluid (or water broke) and had to go to hospital to get tested. It was negative so that was a relief. 
• Sleep is still going great with my snoogle pillow.
• I'm wearing 95% maternity clothes. I have a few tanks that are just a size up that I wear here and there...but for the most part, maternity it is.
•  Movement...this baby is a crazy mover. Way more than Turner was. Maybe it's because of all the sweets I crave and stuff my face with. Ice Cream, Dark chocolate Hershey fun size bars...seriously, I can't get enough.
• Since Tate's injury...I decided that I will not be going to the gym in the mornings. I need to spend that time getting other stuff done since my husband is currently out of commission. I wake and now clean, build something or get other items done around the house. 
• Nursery is still just sitting. I have a goal list now and hope to have it ready by 37 weeks because I feel like this baby is going to come early.
• Mowed the lawn on Sunday which wasn't so bad since it's self propelled. Our lawn was super long and I should have bagged it...but that was not happening because that requires so much more work. 
• I'm determined now that it's a boy. I don't know why....but I just do and will be so surprised if it's a girl. I also think life would be easier if it's a boy since we already have EVERYTHING for a summer baby boy. With Tate's injury...I'm thinking anything to make things easier I am OK with. 
• I had 3 people comment on Tuesday while I left work for an hour to run errands. Complete strangers told me that I must be due very soon and when I told them 6 more weeks...they felt bad for me. No need to is what I thought. One very nice lady told me I was probably having a boy since I'm carrying all out front. She had 6 boys herself (bless her heart). 
• Mom is coming up tomorrow to help out since Tate's surgery is tomorrow. So thankful for the help of family and friends. It's hard to accept because I'm a very much 'I can do it myself' type of person...but a person can only do so much.

Week 34 bump date with Turner

Overwhelmed

I need to post this to remember this time of my life when I felt the most overwhelmed I have ever felt in my life. It's so crazy being a control person but not having any control over situations. God has that control and I am learning each and every day to just pray and trust his path for myself and my family.

Last weekend was a great weekend. We enjoyed visiting our WI family and watching Tate play in the annual Neenah Streetball 3 on 3 Basketball tournament. It's something he has done since I have known him and it's an annual event we go back for every June if our schedule allows. It's in his hometown and he's played with his friends since high school (heck may even be middle school) but it's something he truly enjoys. It's one of those things I could see them playing until they were 50 (they have different leagues for age and level of competition).

Best friends reunited with their minis

Well..this year, they won. They got first play in their bracket and we were all so excited for the guys! Tate's won before, but never with these other 3 he played with so it was fun since they guys have played together the last few years. 

The bad news...Tate tore his Achilles during the championship game. Me not being a medical person I thought this was in his knee, not his ankle so I was thinking it was strange that the medical person was wrapping his ankle. haha. But then I learned what it was, the recovery and rehab needed and started to panic. Insert 'OVERWHELMING' feeling. (For others that don't know what the Achilles is...it's those tendons on the back of your ankle...OUCH).

Tate saw a doctor yesterday and sure enough, it is torn. Surgery is set for this Thursday. He really wants to be in a walking boot by the time this baby is born. I'm trying really hard to stay positive through all of this. It's difficult but I do NOT plan to sulk and feel sorry for myself. I not only now have a toddler to take care of by myself, I have to tend to Tate's needs and still take care of myself and continue to grow a healthy baby inside of me. 

The to do list is still never ending and now I have a laid up husband who can't do much to help. We did figure out some ways for him to help last night until his leg fell asleep. I just plan to let a lot of things go and know that everything can't be done. I am thankful that it's only a torn tendon and not anything that took him from me. I still have my husband, just a handicap version for a while.

So if you could say a lil' prayer that Tate has a great surgery on Thursday, that God gives me the strength to get through this overwhelming time and patience that I will need...I would be forever grateful. I know we will be fine...If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Bump Day Baby #2 - Week 33

• Baby is the size of a durian fruit (what is that?)
• Baby could grow up to a full inch this week alone and the brain is developing like crazy.
• Total weight gain...I think around 19 lbs. I have my doc appt on Friday.
• No stretch marks...the one I thought I had on my stomach is actually not one.
• Golfed an 18 hole scramble yesterday...and boy did that tire me out. Slept so well last night.
• Celebrated our lil' man turning 2 last weekend with a birthday party. Had a jumpy house, cupcakes and build your own ice cream sundae bar. It was a hit and everyone had fun. 
• Finished Turner's swimming lessons this week. He did great and improved so much throughout the 7 weeks.
• Moved Turner to his new room so we can now start on the nursery. He is doing so well in his new room...I think he is better in there than his old one. Now just have to put the nursery together. That won't be done until July probably because we have so much going on.
• Feeling so many movements and everyone else can see and feel them also. I love it.
• Having more and more braxton hicks. I have a feeling this baby will come early but I am not holding my breath.
• Baby is so low and heavy. Still having hip pain and some lower back pain.
• Still going to gym weekly. I love that time in the morning to gear up for the day.
• Cravings is still anything carb related, ice cream and fruit. Last night I craved baby carrots which is weird but I went with it and ate a whole bunch.
• Varicose veins are in full force. I hope they go away after this pregnancy but I have a feeling they won't since my mom and Grandma both had them. They are worse on my left leg. Ankle and chin area. 
• I have been listening to my body more and resting as much as I can. I am not one to just sit and watch TV or other people do things but I know my body is telling me to do so. It's hard...but I don't want to harm the baby or myself so I am slowing down.

I can see why everyone thinks I am about to pop when you compare 23 to 33 weeks. My belly is so low and large. It's a great shelf/chair for Turner to use :) 

Week 33 bump date with Turner

Bump Day Baby #2 - Week 32

• Only 8 weeks until due date (insert panic attacks...because I feel like there is so much to do).
• Baby is the size of a squash
• Baby is getting ready to emerge by being head down. At my doc appt last week the doctor did say this baby was head down, so that's good. Let's hope he/she stays that way.
• I've gained a total of 17 lbs.
• I think stretch mark I spoke of last week was in fact a scratch and not a stretch mark. 
• Just returned from a 2 day work trip to San Francisco. I was happy to make it home safely without any pregnancy related incidents. I was afraid of going into labor on plane or while in CA...but luckily nothing happened. Was there for a Women's Leadership Conference and had a great time. Didn't get to do a tourist things which bummed me out but I didn't want to stay any extra days...already missing my lil' mans 2nd birthday was enough to make me not want to go. Only turning 2 and celebrating before I left help ease my emotions with this.
• I feel huge...I can't believe I am going to be getting bigger in the next 8 weeks.
• No new purchases this week...but we have a lot to do before this baby comes. Turner's birthday party is this weekend so my family will be coming early to help with a few things and we are moving Turner to his new room this weekend. 
• I received my maternity clothes order from Motherhood maternity and love everything. It all fits and I have already worn some items. *SCORE*
• Sleeping great, wedding rings still fit and bathroom trip are only frequent during the day.
• We have a few busy weeks coming up here so I will look forward to it slowing down at the 34 week mark because I don't think anything is planned until baby comes then :)
• I am only working today and tomorrow and took Friday off to take Turner to zoo for his birthday. My sister will also be in town and coming with us.

Week 32 bump date with Turner